Monday, January 23, 2017

Life is a lot of work

I have been spending a lot of time recently reflecting much more than usual. I attribute this to my time in therapy and my attempts to figure out who I am and who I strive to be. I hope to learn how I negatively affect my own situation through my thinking and actions so that I may change that. In general, I am a very black and white type of person. I feel most uncomfortable in the grey. Having a type A personality definitely contributes to this. I often expect much more of myself than anyone else possibly could and tend to put a lot of pressure on myself. I need to give myself more credit for all I am doing and stop putting so much pressure on myself for the things I am not.

Today I had a sort of revelation. Before I forget, because I am sure I will need to be reminded of this in the future, I wanted to capture it and this seemed like a good way. 

Life is hard work. The "work" has many different shapes and forms and the impact it has on each person will vary. Most of the time, we are dealing, often simultaneously, with many different things that require work. Raising little kids, working, staying at home with kids, being a wife, dealing with financial hardships, employment, death, sickness, caring for loved ones, volunteering, getting healthy... and the list goes on and on. When we assign ourselves too many things, we get overwhelmed and exhausted. This is something I do all the time to myself. I feel like if I stop and take inventory of all the "work" currently in my life it would help me to give myself credit. Also, to take a look at the things that maybe I need to give myself to break and hold off on that work until the load is redistributed so to say. What isn't helpful is putting pressure on myself that I need to work on this and that... take inventory of what work you are currently in and decide if you really have the energy to add that in. My current priorities are work, the kids and Steve and the house. Those things are enough to exhaust me. What I don't need is to put more pressure on myself to add more things to that right now. When you feel some reprieve in one area you can start adding the work to another area. How many ways do you want to divide yourself in?

Friday, April 3, 2015

April 3, 2015

It feels so ironic to read my last post now. Later that day, my husband lost his job. While that in itself is hard enough, this was done unjustly. He has worked for a small company for the last 4 years, with people we considered family, and they let him go with absolutely no warning. The heartache we feel is so great at this moment. I am not even sure we have had a moment to really consider the financial implications as we are still processing what has happened. I would do anything to take away the devastation, betrayal and rejection he's feeling. 

Over the last week I have been trying even harder than usual to focus on the positive. I can feel myself getting overwhelmed and am also doing my best to be aware of that and take care of myself before I fall apart. Its much harder than it should be. I am very lucky that I have three cute, funny, adorable children to provide endless distractions! 

With this weekend being Easter we have plans to see some close friends and family and I am looking forward to the further distraction that it will provide. I am so thankful for the supportive people in our lives. Without them, I am sure I would fall apart. 

This morning, while I head out to run errands ALONE, I am thankful to have Steve home. Spending time with each other and the kids is the silver lining in all of this.


Monday, March 30, 2015

March 30, 2015

Today I am thankful for my job. At this point in my life, without it, I am not sure I'd be defined as more than "mommy". While Mondays are not the easiest... I am always appreciative of the quiet and freedom going into work on Mondays brings. 

And when this is where you work its also hard not to be thankful.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Start today

Being positive in today's world seems much more difficult than it should be. 

While I am on a personal journey to learn what my feelings are, how to control my reactions and how to live for today I could use a place to put all the positive things going on. If you choose to focus on gratitude you may notice how much more positive you feel. 


Today, I am thankful for the beautiful city that I live in. How lucky am I to be able to see the ocean whenever I'd like?